When I decided to move here a year and a half ago, it was because I thought I might want to be a physician assistant. I figured I would establish residency here, take some classes, and eventually apply to grad school down at CU's medical campus in Denver. That plan persisted until the beginning of this year, when I realized that it might not be the path I want to pursue after all. I was no longer sure that moving halfway across the country was such a good idea. I did it anyway. Fast forward a few months, and my goals have changed completely. Does that necessarily change things? No. But let me rephrase - knowing me, does that change things? Yes. Possibly.
I'll cut to the chase. If I'm going to be successful in science journalism, I'm going to need to be on the east coast for much of the foreseeable future. Until I establish myself in the field, I'm going to be tied to one of a handful of locales that actually offer jobs. That means Boston. That means leaving here. If not sooner, then later. Should that matter? No, not really. But at this point, I've been "leaving" every few months for the last five years. I'm tired of it and I'm ready to settle somewhere.
Here's the problem: I love it here. I'm getting comfortable. Colorado is really beginning to feel more like home. If moving back east is really in my future... well, I know myself and that is a recipe for disaster. I'm better off getting out now, while it won't hurt so much. I can't do what I did in Rhode Island again. I can't uproot myself once I've settled in. So as I see it, I have three options:
1. Suck it up. Enjoy the time I have left here, and leave knowing that I made the most of it. It's probably the most sensible option, but it wouldn't happen without a huge amount of heartache down the road and I just don't think I want to put myself through that again.
2. Move back east after Christmas. Live and work in Boston, try to find some sort of writing internship and hope for the best when I hear back from MIT and BU in April. Allow myself to settle down for once without any plan to get up and leave.
3. Let myself get comfortable here with no plan to leave. That probably means letting go of the science writing thing and reverting back to my original goal. Deal with the consolation prize of living in a beautiful, amazing place, oust my inner New Englander and let Colorado take over.
I'm going to be at Yale for the National Association of Science Writers' conference from November 5-8. I'm hoping that I'll come back from that weekend with some clarity. Until then, I'm working on not being so clueless.
