2011

I've been staring at this blank slate and blinking cursor for weeks now. Even now, I'm not sure where to start. I could easily use a bunch of flowery adjectives and dramatic metaphors to describe the past 12 months, but I won't. Because to be honest, I don't really want to look back. I'm kind of done with 2011. I started out having no idea what I wanted and no inclination to make choices that were good for me. I didn't get out of my own way until about halfway through the year, when I finally had to scale my way out of the massive mental hole I had built around myself. I finally prioritized taking full responsibility for my life rather than continuing to wait for some elusive opportune moment. I learned to breathe, and to be present, and to be comfortable with uncertainty. I met an incredible yoga teacher who inspired me to get out of my head and stop exhausting myself trying to be perfect. I stepped out of my comfort zone and set goals that had previously seemed leagues out of my reach. I opened myself up to people and realized that there are always ample opportunities to belong, if you'll only let yourself do so. All in all, it has been an amazingly transformative year... that I am very much looking forward to leaving behind.

Of course, one thing I would do well to remember in the coming years is that there is no finish line. Perhaps counter-intuitively, maintaining peace of mind these days takes commitment. And commitment is all about balance. From now on, I'm going to try and embrace Lao Tzu's words: "A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step." Rather than expending all of my energy on a single inspired task only to crash and burn and lose momentum, I'm going to focus on taking baby steps. I'm going to continue to work on forgiving myself for not being perfect, and I'm going to try instead to embrace the grey area. Essentially, my new year's resolution is not to make any. Yes, I could promise to adhere to a more consistent workout schedule, or eat only whole, minimally processed foods, or maintain a strict daily meditation practice, or put more of my paycheck into savings, or any number of other smart, healthy vows to foster my sense of well-being and improve my life. But, let's be honest. I would break all of those in no time and just end up feeling discouraged and disappointed with myself. Who wants that? So I'm proposing something different. Here's to imperfection in 2012 - to effort and failure and perseverance, and inevitably, to the joy that just might happen to arise from the whole shebang.