As I pulled into my driveway, I instantly regretted not having the forethought to bring supplies and camp at the top of the mountain. It was such a beautiful night. I lugged my backpack from the front seat of my car and gazed up at the crystal clear, star-studded sky above me. The cosmos and I needed a moment, I thought. I set down my pack and lay down on the wet grass, propping my head up on my folded hands, staring into the abyss, chilled by the fall air but warmed by my quiet contentment. I suddenly realized that I couldn't think of one thing to ask for - no requests for clarity from the universe, or guidance, or good fortune. I took a couple of deep breaths, reveling in the perfection of that autumn evening. The following week, life blew up in my face.
And on and on it goes. These days, I'm pretty good at taking it in stride. There will always be crests and troughs; the trick is to be the water rather than the boat. Wise people know that the secret to happiness is relinquishing your attempts at control. Ok, noted. But wait a minute - surely we can't just coast through life expecting everything to be peachy keen without putting forth any effort at all? Call me crazy, but that seems like a pretty serious contradiction. How in the world are you supposed to simultaneously let go of your attachment to a given outcome and continue to maintain your goals and ambitions?
Once again, the answer (for me, at least) is stunningly simple: Be here now. It's all well and good to have grand plans for the future, but too often I've found myself halfway down one road before realizing that my drive to explore it had evaporated miles and miles back. Here's the problem with consciousness: it paints us as vaguely static individuals, when in fact we are changing all the time. In the Western world, we are taught that we each have a distinct "me-ness" that makes us special. From an early age, we are urged to define ourselves based on our myriad strengths, our likes and dislikes, the people we choose to associate with. Later in life our identities might become entrenched within a particular religion or political party or job or community organization. And while some of our values do tend to remain stable over time, little changes often accumulate and mix and mingle to become desires that undermine even our most dearly held self-concepts. And before we know it, we're stuck in a place we can't stand or pursuing a career we hate or married to a person we no longer love.
For whatever reason, I'm becoming increasingly aware of the fact that we only get one shot at life. And time is flying by. For my part, I spent a lot of years backtracking, trying desperately to recover the ghosts of "lost" choices that were never right for me in the first place. Like most of us, I wish I had known then what I know now. So, be present with yourself. Take the time to become intimately acquainted with what you are feeling right now. By all means, have a blueprint for your future, but be prepared to jump ship at a moment's notice. If you're reading this, you're lucky enough to live in a place where you can choose nearly everything about your life; if not circumstance, then at least the way you react to it. All I'm saying is choose, and choose authentically. There is no reason not to live a life you love.
